Concept Regret
by Missy Catera
Summary: As work on Rayna's concept album begins, Deacon struggles with his past.


"Thought I might find you here." He half smiled as he approached Rayna on the bridge. She simply nodded, continuing her gaze at the water below. "You worried the girls." He sighed in frustration, but also relief that he'd found her safe. "And me." He leaned against the railing, gripping it with both hands.

"Why don't you just say it, Deacon! It was a bad idea! You didn't wanna do it, but I made you, or you felt obligated because I make all the decisions, or whatever!" She blurted out, all in one frustrated breath.

"Hey, hey…STOP!" He reached for her, but she pulled away. "Ray, I'm here. I'm tryin. I'm not blamin you, or sayin the album is a bad idea. I just." He paused. "Didn't realize how much hell I put you through, back then. I mean, I know I hurt you a thousand times, and said I was sorry a thousand more." "It's just, hearing you say the words, about things I don't even remember doing, and woulda never done sober. It just hurts, ya know?" She finally met his sad gaze, noticing the tears in his blue eyes.

"I'm not doing it to hurt you! I'm not blaming you for it anymore! I just wanna tell our story, our truth, how it really happened, how we got here."

"How do we do that? Without hurting each other?" He asked exasperated

"I'm not sure we can, but I still wanna do it, get it out there." She was holding her ground.

The truth was, he still really didn't want to make Rayna's concept album. He'd caved, like he always did when Rayna wanted something, anything. He'd always found it difficult saying "no" to her no matter the cost to him. Marriage hadn't really changed that. He just couldn't walk away, disappear until the anger passed now. He was forced to deal with it 24/7 in her house, her life. He still felt like he was just living in her world.

"At what cost, Ray?" You wanna fight every damn day while we drudge up the past, make each other feel like shit, huh?"

"I don't know how we do it, Deacon, but there has to be a way!"

"Fine, great! Soo glad I came up here!" He snapped as he turned to leave

\- Several hours earlier

He smiled as he woke, piano music, and Rayna's sweet voice faintly coming from downstairs. It was early. The sun was barely streaming through the bedroom blinds. He slowly got up, considered going downstairs naked for a split second before remembering the girls were in the house. He pulled on the jeans he'd discarded on the floor the night before. He sleepily trudged downstairs barefoot and shirtless, hoping to entice Rayna back to bed.

He watched her for a few moments as she scribbled ideas on a yellow note pad. Dressed in one of his T shirts and a pair of shorts, side pony tail, glasses, and no make-up. He couldn't help but smile as he watched her concentrating on whatever she was scribbling.

"You're so damn beautiful, baby!" he whispered, his warm breath on the back of her neck, sending tingles down her spine as he planted kisses along her neck line, behind her ears, and finally on her lips as she turned in his arms, to face him on the piano bench.

"Sorry, babe. Did I wake you?" she smiled pulling away from a lingering kiss

"You did, but I was hoping I could talk ya into comin back to bed." He coaxed with more neck kisses.

"Mmmmmmmmmm, that's an offer I'd love to accept, but I really need to get down to Highway 65 in an hour or so. Bucky has a few new artists comin in this morning. Since you're up, Can you please take Daphne to school? I'd just feel better with one of us doing it until things calm down with all this stalker business." She asked

"OK, anything for you my love. We'll take this up again later?" He asked hopeful as she pulled away to get ready for work, leaving him alone in the music room.

He glanced at the clock. Just after 6am. Daphne wouldn't be up for more than an hour, and didn't need to leave until almost 8 for school. Deciding not to go back to bed, he grabbed the yellow pad Rayna had discarded on top of the baby grand, thinking maybe he could help a little.

The cheerful disposition he'd awoken with, quickly faded as he read the notes and lyrics Rayna had scribbled onto the pad.

He scanned the yellow page. His smile turned to a frown as he read a song idea about an abusive relationship. He felt like he'd been stabbed in the heart as he read about the black eye he'd accidentally given Rayna in a drunken sleep years earlier. The broken glass and furniture he'd destroyed on more than one occasion. The senseless fights. The jealousy over other guys. The break ups, followed by make ups that didn't last. A proposal gone wrong. Failed attempts at rehab. It seemed his wrongs filled the page.

"Dammit!" he muttered, tossing the pad back onto the piano

He was slamming things around in the kitchen when Rayna came back downstairs 30 minutes later, dressed and ready for her day. She was busy returning emails on her phone as she poured a cup of coffee. She looked up as he slammed the dishwasher door.

"Something wrong?" She asked, putting the phone and her coffee down on the countertop. She reached for him, pulling herself closer, fingers hooked through his belt loops.

"No!" he lied, pulled away, and went back to slamming things around.

"OooKay!" Rayna quipped sarcastically as she went back to her emails and coffee.

He opened the dishwasher again to throw in some silverware. He slammed the door again, just for the sake of slamming it.

"Seriously, babe? You're sexy as hell in those jeans and nothing else, but this anger thing isn't so sexy. What's wrong?" she tried again

"What the hell are you writin? I read what you were workin on earlier and….I don't know. I guess I didn't think we were gonna get THAT personal with this concept album." His gaze was heated.

"It's just ideas and some thoughts for a song. I'm not even sure where I'm going with it, Deacon!"

"I don't like it, Rayna! It's too goddamn personal. It makes me seem like a damn asshole that purposely hurt you. I DIDN'T! YOU THINK I DON'T FEEL BAD ENOUGH ABOUT THE PAST? YOU THINK I'M NOT SORRY EVERYDAY OF MY LIFE THAT I EVER HURT YOU?" He was yelling now, but quickly calmed when he heard footsteps coming down the stairs.

"What's going on?" Daphne cautiously asked as she sat at the breakfast bar, glancing between her parents.

"Nothin sweetie. What would you like for breakfast?" Deacon tried to smile as he resisted the urge to slam a skillet onto the stove, instead gently placing it.

"Bacon, extra crispy!" Daphne requested with a smile

"Comin up." He quickly turned his attention to making breakfast

"I gotta run. Bucky is probably already downtown waiting for me. Deacon is gonna take you to school. I'll see you later." Rayna kissed Daphne's forehead before turning to Deacon at the stove.

She surprised him, wrapping her arms around him from behind as he fried Daphne's bacon. "I love you. We'll talk about it later, OK?" She whispered, hopeful he'd calm down by later.

"Love you too." He muttered, wondering if she was sincere, or doing it for show in front of Daphne.


End file.
